Last weekend I played the Feed Ur Soul Conference, and as part of that event, played a concert. This was a bit of a coming-out party for me, as I had never before played a concert that was billed as "Terry Waggoner, Live In Concert." I introduced a lot of new material that people hadn't heard, and put myself out there for the first time.
While I loved being a part of the event, and feel like it went well, the whole process was extraordinarily stressful for me. Here's why:
1. I battle perfectionist tendencies. "Good" wouldn't be good enough. I wanted to be unbelieveable.
2. I am a people pleaser. So I wanted everyone to like everything I did, even though art is subjective. It was highly unlikely that a roomful of people would have the same musical taste, which would be uniquely be met by my music alone. Didn't matter to me--everyone had to love everything.
3. I want to be authentic, and not pander to what I knew would "work." In a roomful of enthusiastic Christians, it would have been easy for me to just yell "Jesus!" every few minutes and get people into it. However, I wanted to be myself, and do it the way I would do it.
4. The concert was challenging in a number of ways. I don't talk a lot leading worship---but I would have to for this, in order to set up songs, explain ideas, and such. Additionally, the material would stretch me as a vocalist and guitarist. So I knew going in that it wasn't going to be easy.
In the end, things went quite well. It was well received [Christians can be good encouragers], and I feel like I played pretty well. I am now trying to see how this artistic journey is just that--a journey. Not a one-off, end-all-be-all concert event. So I feel good about last weekend as jumping off point for this artistic journey. More to come.
Which of these inner battles do you fight most--perfectionism? People-pleasing? Authenticity? Inadequacy? Feel free to comment below.
5 comments:
Love the blog!! And, to me, you were perfect!! I think you know me well enough to know I battle the same stresses but you, my friend, have helped me with many of those!! Keep inspiring those around you...keep fighting these battles!! We believe in you!!
I think those are the struggles of any artist at any given time. You always bless those around you who hear what you do. We are so glad you were able to do this this past weekend and can't wait to hear more from you and watch God unfold this gift even grander in your life for His sake.
Your perfectionism, people pleasing, authenticity worked, as always! I use to struggle most with people pleasing, still do some. God has given provided me with the peace to overcome this, to be free to be more of a God pleaser. Freedom!!
second thoughts.... My people pleasing GIFT from God hasn't been overcome, it's been redirected into photography!
Thanks for the encouragement, everyone. I'm glad that you enjoyed the concert/conference. I am trying to get to a point where I can offer up my work, or play a concert or event, without totally losing my mind in the process. Doubt, fear, inadequacy, perfectionism...ugly beasts that must be daily slain!!
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